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Archive for the ‘Skog Beesly – The Detective Police’ Category

Skig beesly is walking thourgh the jungle of South America nicking a statue from Indians, when suddenly! BAM! A ball rolls down his alleyway and bash him. But he avoid it because he have a whip, which he use to whip some oxes nearby to get them to stand in the way. The ball is crush the oxes and Skig saved. THEN! He use the whip to go over a pit. Suddenly, infront of Skig is a door. Nobody know what it is. Skig touch with his hands, but the door like water, but the water come out. So he step through the portle and BAM! He is in another world. WHat is this? The plants is not the same as usual plants. The furns is all different an d coconuts is a surprise shade. In the distants he hear a sound like a massive cow with teeth. But then BAM! JUst has he begin to enjoy the crazy world he come back to, a Tyrannosaurus run gradually from the under groath. What happen to sKig? Find out next time. To put your mind at rest he survive nobody want too much stress in life.

The President is desperate. Now the gansters is takin over man Hatton. The President get his top police chief into the white house. He say to his secretary who is cal Joolie.

“Joolie”. He say in a presidential voice all posh but you know he mean business.

“What president?” She say.

“The situation is desperate.”

“I don’t know nothin as I am just a secretery.” She reply. Because she is a sass, and she got long legs all cover in stockins and black lace.

“I know baby I am the president I didn’t get here where I am without not knowing this things. Never mind all your foxy long legs all cover in stockins and black lace. We have a situation. Get me skig Beaselly.”

“Oh my goodness” say Joolie because a long time she wnat to have a sex with beesly like a lot of women. ” I call him right away president”.

But before she can call him, there is a slight smash in the windows and in Swing beesly on a ninja rope.

“WHO IS!?” shout the security guards with Oozy nine milimeater shootin at skig. But Skig too fast, he do a chop and BAM! the guards is all ded.

“Beesly! ” Shout the president. “What the fack is goin on?”

“President. I knew you was in troable. This why I come. I’ll be back. I am back.”

Then BAM! The president and Joolie is a surprise. What is this comin out of skig back? IS wings! He got special hanglider from the old guy in Gems Bond (unless he pass away – likely), and he glied out the window over Man Hatton and (first he say goodbye to the president and Joolie) then he glied into some trees. The gansters is see. HOLY SHIT!!!!!!! they are realy crapin the pants because they think is a BAT. So then the cheif ganster is name Alka pone get all the gansters in a dinner and hit one with a base ball bat so he don’t seem a poof, but then he say we got to giv eup because Skib beesly got wings or maybe not skig beasly maybe is a real big bat monster goin to eat us. So the gansters is gone from Man Hatton and the president is safe.

“How can we thank you?” say Joolie. “A shag” say skig, and everybody laugh. “Hey you guys stop kidin around” say the president to his security guards and they get up because they not dead they just pretend, and they slap skeg on the back because they respect him. One of them die later though of a mysterious toe disease sadly.

You remember now that is the turn of the century in prohibition era in Chicago in 1850, and Skig Beesly is the best in the business. He is walking through the alley, when all of a sudden. BAM! Shooty Macjones is appear.

“I am going to shoot you, but furst I pull back the hammer on the safety catch of my gun and count to ten” say Macjones (his first name Shooty but by now we know who he is so no need to repeat first name). “You are a stupid” say Skag, and he wait until the last minute counting, then he kick Macjones (SHooty macjones who I mention above you will remember) in the thumb. The gun is fly out of macjones (his first name shooty) and land on a small tortilla outside a restaurant. Nobody know why the tortilla was there, is just a piece of tortilla not a whole one. The restaurant probably finish with it because somebody ate half of it and leave the rest on the pavement or maybe the chief was aiming for the bin and then miss, maybe because he have a lot in his hands like boxes and shit. He is wearing a tall hat white with a puffy top like a marshmallow. Then he go back inside and start cooking again and avoid the temptation to play chess on his trousers. But no chess pieces in the kitchen so easy to avoid, just his trousers like a checkerboard.
Meanwhile Macjones is amaze. Is Shooty Macjones, who is the bad guy in the story remember before al the cook shit. “How you kick the gun onto that tortilla?” Shout macjones (first name is Shooty).

“I ama ninger.” Say Beasly. “I am train in the ancient japanese marshall art of yoga in china with a chinese old man.”

“No shit” say Macjones (Shooty to friends) “Now I understand why you got Ninger skills. Is because you are a train with the ningers in china. But you don’t know nothing because I am a cowarly guy so I got my friend stingy hat to hit you from behind now. ”
Then BAM! Stingy hat hit Beasly on the back and he fall down possibly dead?!!!!!?
THe next instalment is coming – who knows what is happen to skig beesly. Is he dead or just hit on the head. I not decided yet YOU the readers can decide what hapen next I got no idea yet. When I try to work it out the frase “Ass partridges” keep coming into my head for some reason. It make no sense fuck knows what is going on.

Queridos Amigos,

People is often say to me Juan you are good at writing a police novel so why not write a police novel. I say to myself “hey, I write a police novel”. So here is chapter one. If you like, it, I do chapter two.

The Detective Police Bitch

by Juan Pablo Colon

Chapter 1: Who is?

It is the turn of the century in the 1950s in Chicago. Bam! The door is kick in. Bam! In come a figure with a Smeth and Wesson AK47. Bam! Is who? Is Skig Beesly, the fastest private eye on the business. Bam! Around the table sitting the gangsters. They got guns, but Skib Beesly is too fast, so he shoot them all. Bam! They all flying around in slow motion sideways with cigars but he also fly and shoot them all SPLAT! All sort of shit is goin on.

Now in this part of New York is a floz lady call Jooly who is not prostitute is one of the womens who hang around all walkin around with a tray for the drinks and black tights and underwear and smoke in a cigarette holder. She now who Skig Beesly is and she fancy him but he not havin none of it becos he is always cool and womens is always try to shag him but he is pick and choose. She bust into the bar.

“ Oh Beesly, why you have kill these gansters?” she say upset.

“Becos they is a bastars” say Skeg, and he smoke one of there cigars cool way. “Is time to tell the gansters there is one law in this town” say Skig “is me the law” he say to make a clear who his refer to when he say the one law thing.

But one of the gansters bust in the door and shoot skig but skeg too fast he kick him in the bolock and the ganster is say you bastar Beesly and Beesly say

“you are the bastars”

and then the ganster say no you are the bastars

and then Beesly say you are the bastar

and then the ganster say no you are the bastars

and then Beesly say you are the bastar

and then the ganster say no you are the bastars

and then Beesly say you are the bastar

and then the ganster say no you are the bastars

and then Beesly say you are the bastar

and then the ganster dead because he have a hart atak anyway.

But the gansters brother is call booch and he hear about the news of his brother dead.

“Who is kill my brother” he ask.

“You know who” say his assistant who call shooty macjones.

“I don’t know who is” say booch

One of the ganster have a hat.

“Is you can guess”

“Jus fuckin tell me I am the boss” he say an shooty macjones is a scare because Booch kil some one in the past with kung fu with a snooker club.

“OK I tell you because of the kung fu. Is Skag Beesly”

All the gansters is shit scared because they know who he is. Is Skeg Beesly.

One of the gansters look sinificant and raise his eyebrow and is a close up.
Find out what happen next in chapter 2. (not written yet I got some shit to do and the dentist an shop then I try)


Mundo Jazz

Juan Pablo Colon, singer of the greatest World Music Band in the World Mundo Jazz. You can buy Mundo Jazz Ethical (TM) "Fight Capitalism" Merchandise at www.mundojazz.co.uk